thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
