WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
