none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
