You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
