Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
