How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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