No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
