I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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