We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
