I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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