I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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