The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
