Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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