Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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