i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
