38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
