last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'