Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
