i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on