I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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