So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.