new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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