is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie