Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

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  (402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card. http://tfl.nu/3ttc
  Replies (39) Good night (1560) Bad night (4921)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.

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  (610): I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer. http://tfl.nu/q9nz
  Replies (104) Good night (1267) Bad night (3436)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.

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  (772): I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die. http://tfl.nu/szbq
  Replies (26) Good night (898) Bad night (3834)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.

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  (773): You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930. http://tfl.nu/kxnv
  Replies (14) Good night (3149) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  ugh yes i love our date nights

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  (814): i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey (1-814): ugh yes i love our date nights http://tfl.nu/d1p8
  Replies (4) Good night (3107) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off

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  (360): The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off http://tfl.nu/wmpp
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (1739)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.

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  (623): I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me. http://tfl.nu/we23
  Replies (5) Good night (1484) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot

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  (810): Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot http://tfl.nu/f236
  Replies (5) Good night (1923) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america

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  (650): Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america http://tfl.nu/igww
  Replies (8) Good night (1840) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on

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  (616): Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on http://tfl.nu/6qf1
  Replies (2) Good night (1076) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that

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  (954): The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that http://tfl.nu/l3dv
  Replies (9) Good night (930) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.

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  (336): If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone. http://tfl.nu/bfil
  Replies (12) Good night (1288) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.

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  (940): She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick. http://tfl.nu/jiew
  Replies (9) Good night (2170) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control

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  (216): i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control http://tfl.nu/rhtt
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.

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  (717): THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES. (610): HOLY SHIT. You're my hero. http://tfl.nu/mhwg
  Replies (0) Good night (724) Bad night (245)

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