You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
