Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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