Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
