My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
