We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
