I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
