When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
