At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
