you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
