just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
