My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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