you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
