I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
