My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
