I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When did angry sex become our thing?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
