Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
