3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
