i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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