So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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