Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
