At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
