I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
