you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
