:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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