I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
