I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
