Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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