I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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