My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
