At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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