Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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