i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
