I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
