We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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