brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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