Screwed.edu
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
