I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
