I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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