I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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