True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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