just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
