Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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