Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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