ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Randomize
