we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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