took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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