Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
