My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
