Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
