a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
